Just in time for Snark Thursday, Newt Gingrich’s spokesman released, quite possibly, the greatest statement ever.
“The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.”
Wait. Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is a political outsider?
And in other news…
Did fat-cat bankers and investors learn nothing from the mortgage derivative madness? Apparently not, because now some are delving into death derivatives.
Perhaps Wall Street has simply resigned itself to not caring what the public thinks. It is working to develop a new product sure to anger its critics: death derivatives. They sound just like what they are: investors would essentially bet that people will die sooner than later. This idea certainly sounds morbid at best and morally repugnant at worst. Essentially, those investors would profit from untimely death. Is it wrong for banks to create such products?
Let’s hope they all get Raptured. (yeah, probably not, methinks…)
Edited by Catherine 2:30 PM 5/19/11
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