Auntie Batgurl has had enough of all you junior political consultants on TwitterBook and there’s not enough coffee in the fever swamps aka recent political meetings to keep repeating myself.

I’m going to do my best to address all your questions and concerns in this handy FAQ about the “possible” special Jungle election in the Georgia 6th Congressional District, and it’s fallout down ballot.

Follow along, there will be a quiz later.

Q: Whats with the GunsNRoses theme?

A: This election is a “Jungle” election, all the candidates, dogs and cats together, on the same ballot on the same day. No primary! Chaos! Yay!

Welcome to the jungle we’ve got fun and games!

Q:When will the election be?

A: Election, what election? Right now it’s only a rumor till Rep. Tom Price is confirmed by the Senate, and y’all keep calling to tell them not to confirm him so yeah, I dunno.

Q: What?

A: Lets pretend he’s confirmed or indicted, anyway he’s vacating his seat, as soon as that as happens, and he’s sworn in, no more Congressman. Because hey you can’t ride two horses at the same time. Although the seat is vacant, don’t worry the Republicans will get by without Prices vote. Staff still reports to work, because in theory they have the peoples work to do.

Fun Fact: if he’s not confirmed, there won’t be a election. It’s not like he gets thrown through the moon door.

Q: But when Auntie Batgurl, when?

A.In the event there is a opening in the 6th, the Governor of Georgia, Nathan Deal has 10 days to ponder the schedule. I’m sure he’s taking all your concerns into account as he does this. No, who are you kidding. He’s totally going to schedule the election based on all the moving parts of whomever he wants to replace Rep Price, and any open seats it might create in the district. Plus a run off is expected especially in a crowded race.

Q: Come on, really… you don’t know? 

A. Nope I don’t.

Q: But laws about elections and ballots and soliders overseas!

A: Heres the math problem:  If Tom Price is confirmed on x date +  Gov can take 10 or less days to set the schedule +  qualifying + nine weeks (because it’s a Federal election) + round up to the nearest prime numbered date on a full moon, ok I made the last part up. You get the picture. It’s entirely up to the Governor to decide. This is the minimum number of days. He could decide to lengthen the schedule to give more time to the candidates, and let them gin up support.

I can’t read his mind!

Q: You’re very snotty. If you don’t know, why are there all these people at every meeting telling me they are running for office?

A: Good question. I guess some of them really really really want to call all their friends for money all day and spend their evenings at meetings full of sweaty activists wearing pussy hats and shake a ton of peoples hands?  I don’t get it, but hey at least ten of them do.

Q: Just how many candidates can you print on a ballot?

A: Apparently it’s infinite, or at least enough folks with $5,000 for qualifying fees laying around. Bonus you don’t even have to live in the district to run for Congress!

Q: I don’t understand, why so many? 

A: This a a mystery that I have no answer to, either they didn’t think anyone would step up, or they want to see their name on a yard sign, or they think they can help.

Q: Who are these people? 

A: Some names here, and here, and here

Q: Some of the candidates look like they might be elected officials, what happens to them?

A: Once the Governor has set the qualifying date, as soon as they qualify, they’re no longer a sitting elected representative, also called  “resigned to run”.

Q: Um, won’t someone need to be elected to those seats then?

A: Yeah, but don’t ask me when that election will be because that timeline is a little different because it’s not a Federal race. I imagine that it will all be outlined in the Governors announcement. See step 1.

Q: But I’m seeing yard signs! My God,! 

A: Um, no it didn’t. Because boys and girls, only the most naive political people believe in yard signs. Sigh, anyone can put out a yard sign, for literally anything from Tutoring to Garage Sales. No harm done, the landscapers will mow around them, or not. Some printer somewhere just made money. Cha-ching.

Q: Why haven’t the Democrats anointed someone, because I’m lazy and don’t want to do the work of figuring out who to support?

A: Because it’s not allowed, per the charter/bylaws.

Q: What, we have rules? 

A: Of course we have rules, this isn’t mud wrestling.

The rules were likely instituted back the day when virtually every elected official in Georgia was a Democrat. In practice it was poorly applied, everyone knew who was favored by the Governor and the Speaker, and folks played a lot of footsie with the rules. Now, however it’s a practical matter of not setting up the party to fail after every disgruntled primary or general Election loser lashes out. You know how some folks are, they lose and go off to pout, taking all their toys with them. The party can’t be in the middle of all that mess. Seriously. It’s taken 10 years or so to get this message.  Individuals volunteering for the party may of course write checks and support candidates, but they’re supposed to leave their party title at the door. It works sometimes, and sometimes people aren’t as clear as they should be. But no, folks at the DPG won’t be making announcements about support.

Q: Can the Democrats “flip” the seat?

A: No, it’s a R+19 + 12 District and we have too many candidates all with too little community resume.

Q: But Hillary Clinton? 

A: No, just no. A Jungle election is nothing like the 3 year campaign endeavor of hers. A billion dollar budget and wall to wall coverage. This election has no recent scenario that can be compared, Charlie Norwood’s death, nah. It’s three counties, some of the wealthiest zip codes, a tradition of voting for Republicans and too many candidates.

Q: Well, shit now what do I do?

A: Keep calling your Legislators, stay on top of the issues in the state,  keep coming to meetings to fellowship other nice folks, keep you eyes out for the down ballot candidates that really do need your support. Learn a few more political and organizing skills.  Rinse, Repeat.

Q: This sounds complicated and I think your wrong

A: It is complicated and some of you are swimming in waters way too deep, save yourselves and swim back to the shallow end.

Q: So now what do I do? I really want to bash more Democrats on the TwitterFace, can I?

A: Of course you can, this is America.

Q: I hate to even ask, but who’s going to win?

A: Karen Handel by a mile in the runoff

For those of you who missed an earlier screed, on the race.


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